There’s a joke in the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) world: “What do you call someone without feelings or needs?” “Dead.” To be alive means to have needs and experience a variety of emotions and circumstances. As much as some of us may wish to live peaceful, serene lives 24/7, that’s just not possible. Inevitably at one point or another we all experience chaos, or complete disorder, confusion, and disarray.
What’s interesting about chaos is that it’s often in the eye of the beholder. Sure, some things are objectively chaotic: an earthquake, a tornado, a hurricane, but others are subjective: travel, a breakup, a physical space. For instance, at times I perceive my living room to be chaotic with toys, pillows, and blankets strewn everywhere. When I see the mess, I feel anxious, confused, and exhausted contemplating cleaning it all up. However, someone else might see my living room and say, “Chaotic? Everything is organized! The games are in one basket, balls in another. You should see my house!”
In other words, the denotation of chaos is different from the connotation. It doesn’t matter as much whether a situation or space is objectively chaotic. If it’s chaotic for you, that’s what counts. The chaos itself isn’t so much of an issue as the meaning you attach to the chaos. The meaning you make of chaos is what influences your behavior. Some people thrive in chaos. They feel focused and alive, but others turn snippy, forgetful, or withdrawn. Where do you land on that spectrum?
When handling chaos, the first thing to do is identify your feelings about the chaos, which point toward your needs. Maybe you feel scared when things are chaotic because you have a need for order or clarity. Or maybe the feeling associated with chaos overwhelms you because you need support and that’s not happening. By identifying those emotions, you can then ask for what you want and hopefully, get it. Alternatively, sometimes needs can’t be met in the moment and there’s cause for mourning. During the height of the pandemic, many people had an unmet need for clarity or security and it made sense to mourn that loss.
Chaos is inevitable. Pandemics happen. People quit. Technology glitches. You can’t avoid chaos, but a forward-thinking leader can plan for it and respond instead of reacting. How do they do that? Keep reading.
Slow Down
A quote we often say at LUMAN, borrowed from the U.S. Navy Seals, is “Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” That’s because when you slow down enough to notice what’s going on around you, things tend to operate more smoothly. What that means for chaos is slowing yourself down. When I perceive the world around me to be chaotic, I usually respond by moving quickly — my body feels frenetic, and my mind races. When I notice these physical states, I will literally stop moving and take a few deep breaths. Identifying items I see around me also helps me to slow down and refocus: a black hat sitting on our table. The coffee mug in my hand. A purple dinosaur on the floor.
Doing so takes me out of the narrative of chaos and gives me perspective. It allows me to see there are no emergencies here, no literal fires. It’s OK that the hat is on the table and the purple dinosaur is on the floor. I can take 3 minutes to calm down and center myself. That’s what works for me, and the internet is full of options on how to slow down if you want other suggestions.
Recognize the Signals
Every person and organization is bound to experience chaos. Recognizing your own signals of trigger will make the situation more manageable. One of my signals is moving too quickly and taking action without planning. For others, their reactiveness might be an attempt to bring back control; that could look like micromanaging, withdrawing, finger-pointing, being irritable or a combination of any of these.
Reactive states tend to have less care than planned responses because they are tragic attempts to care for yourself at the expense of other people. However, there are always consequences. People remember how they feel around you and leaders who want to promote care can do so by recognizing the principles of emotional contagion, which is just what it sounds like.
Our limbic system responds to one another through mirror neurons. If I walk into a room stressed out and unable to sit still, other people see and experience that too. They (often unconsciously) remember or enact their own stress responses and that stress ripples out and can make things worse. Instead, leaders could consider emergency first responders as examples to emulate.
Emergency first responders don’t arrive at a car accident and start shrieking, “There’s so much blood! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” They don’t react to stress, they respond to stress. They ask questions such as, “Can you tell me what happened? Where does it hurt? May I take a look at you?” They remain calm, and that encourages the other person to stay calm too.
Just like a first responder, a business leader can acknowledge the situation and aid in restoring other people’s emotional set points. Leaders can be the guide for people to come back to calm and order. Instead of frenzy and fear, they can express mourning: “This is hard. It sounds like you’re upset. I wish things were different.” By responding with empathy first and excuses second, a leader demonstrates care and creates a culture where people want to work, despite the chaos.
Build a Plan
It may seem counterintuitive to plan for chaos because isn’t that the thing about chaos? It’s unexpected and disorderly. However, making a plan in the face of chaos is possible. Unexpected situations come up all the time. Your plan could be as immediate and simple as, “I will convey to my people that I’m unavailable for 10 minutes,” and in that 10 minutes you slow down, provide yourself with empathy, and determine how you’d like to respond, not react.
Your plan could also be practical and strategic: “All documents are stored on a shared drive. We have a manual that dictates how to handle X. In the case of an emergency, we do Y.” Fire drills are a regular part of life to prepare people for that emergency. Businesses can also prepare for other emergencies that will arise. The question becomes, how do you want to handle them? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below.
