Whether it’s Christmas or a birthday or (and especially) just because, there’s one gift you can give at any time that will always be appreciated. You can give it to the man who has everything. You can give it to your children and your parents. You can even give it to a complete stranger. And my favorite thing about this gift? It doesn’t cost anything. On top of that, you will be rewarded upon delivering this gift.
This gift is your acknowledgment.
“Never assume people know what you feel and think about them, because they don’t know and get to hear it from your mouth,” writes Margo Majdi, author of The Art of Acknowledgment. Everyone wants connection and to be seen for the contribution they have made. We all share these needs. One of the most hurtful things you can do to another person is to make them feel invisible. That’s why we have so many books and movies about wallflowers: it’s a painful experience. And the happy ending includes finally being noticed.
I closed out this year with my colleagues by spending an hour offering and receiving each others’ acknowledgments. We were all weepy, even while listening to acknowledgments that weren’t given to us.
Acknowledgments Are Not “Thank You’s”
“Thank you” is about you, the receiver of a gift. “Thank you for taking me home.” You gave me the gift of ease and comfort, and now I am letting you know I appreciate that. Thank you’s offer appreciation whereas acknowledgments can come at any time and are about being seen for who you are, what you do, your contribution to the world. Acknowledgements can be for broad ways of being, or about specific scenarios.
“I acknowledge you for your incredible capacity to juggle so many things and do it with kindness and respect.”
“Wow, when you walk into the room you really light it up!”
“Your generosity is inspiring.”
These are just a few examples. Do you feel good when you read these? Inherent with an acknowledgement are the met needs of being seen, accepted, and loved.
How do I give an acknowledgement?
- Set the stage
Let them know you want to share an acknowledgment. Something like “I want to share an acknowledgment with you. It’s something I’ve noticed about you that really inspires me. Do you have a moment for this?”
2. Keep yourself out of it
Refrain from using any “I” statements except for at the very beginning: “I acknowledge you for_____.” Remember, although you have been impacted by this person’s contribution, this is about making them feel seen.
3. Accept the person’s reaction
To truly be seen can be uncomfortable for some people. They might dismiss your acknowledgment so be prepared for that and don’t take it personally. Let the person have whatever reaction they will, and trust that it landed the way you wanted it to. I bet they’ll be thinking about it for the rest of the day. I know I do when someone gives me an acknowledgment. Go out there and try it. What do you have to lose?
