Many employees are returning to the office, and that transition can be hard because of the social aspect. There’s no hiding a cranky mood like when working from home. There’s no more putting on a happy face for a video call and then sliding back into irritation. Instead, people see you in the flesh all day. Does that sound alarming? Well, it turns out hiding how you feel is one of the worst things you can do if you want to feel better.
The Harvard Business Review wrote that when it comes to wellness, companies are better off shifting away from the self-care model of encouraging the use of a meditation app or gym membership because that can undermine, rather than support, employee wellness.
“The crux of the problem lies in the fact that human well-being is not achieved alone: our psychological health is grounded in attachment to and acceptance by others,” the authors wrote. “Human connections are especially critical for addressing the effects of stress, anxiety, burnout, and other forms of workplace distress.”
Welcome to our paradoxical world. The last thing you may want to do when you’re depressed or frustrated is connect at team meetings. If you’re like me, you’d much rather use a meditation app than be vulnerable and let colleagues know how you’re really feeling. You don’t want to ask for help, and you certainly don’t want to burden anyone. You might also be thinking that you should be able to handle everything on your own. I get it.
And, when you share vulnerably and express uncomfortable feelings, you might be surprised at how sweet, loving, and supportive your colleagues can be. Most people want to help each other, not only because they care, but also because it makes them feel happier, be healthier, and live longer, according to research.
Biologically, we’re wired to connect, to be social, to share, but instead, it’s easy to slip into behavior that promotes the opposite. When you don’t feel great, you might find yourself wanting to hide, watch Netflix, and drink a few glasses of wine. Yes, sometimes a break is a great option and exactly what the doctor ordered, but sometimes it’s not.
When it comes to self-soothing, there are quick fixes and then there are sustainable options. The things we think will make us happy often make us feel worse in the long run. For instance, eating candy when you’re tired or uncomfortable will give you a temporary brain boost, but afterward, your blood sugar crashes and you feel more tired than before. It’s the same when it comes to feeling low. You think withdrawing will make you feel better but actually you need to connect. That’s true not only for extroverts, by the way.
Nick Epley tested this “solitude makes me happier” hypothesis on the Chicago Metra transit system. When surveyed before the experiment, passengers predicted they would find a commute where they sat alone and enjoyed their solitude to be more pleasant than one where they were asked to strike up a conversation with a fellow commuter.
Epley and his team split passengers into three groups: a group instructed to enjoy their solitude, one that was required to talk to another passenger, and one without any instructions. After the commute, the researchers surveyed the passengers again and found the ones that interacted with other passengers had the most pleasant commute while the solitude group had the least pleasant. They found the same results among extroverts as well as introverts.
If you’re an introvert, you might be saying to yourself, “I’m sure that wouldn’t be true for me.” Perhaps you’re the exception, but why not give it a shot? Tell your colleagues how you feel. Share what’s up for you. Chances are you’ll feel better and isn’t that worth the risk? Even if talking to someone else feels like the most painful, difficult task you can imagine, do the hard thing. Let me know how it goes. I’ll buy you a cup of tea, and we can talk about it.
