There are many kinds of leaders in this world. Some rule with an iron fist and motivate others with fear and brute force. Then some leaders take a more compassionate approach. They’re nurturing and kind. They inspire those around them to be their best selves. By thinking about the kinds of leaders in my life such as teachers, bosses, mentors, and others, I’ve consciously decided what sort of leader I want to be. I aim to be intentional in my choices instead of reactionary. Given my background in nonviolent communication (NVC) and empathy, it should be no surprise I advocate care in the workplace and that means I want that to come across when I’m in a leadership position as well.
I get that we’re all busy people — a lot is going on at work, at home, and in the world. There’s still a war in Ukraine, the world is simultaneously on fire and flooding. You may be saying, “Exactly! I don’t have time to show care at work. There’s too much to do.” I hear you, and I want to remind you that stress doesn’t evaporate from cutting out connection. Everyone is happier when they take the time to connect, as I’ve written about before.
When you connect with the people you work with, you become the ripple effect for everyone to relieve a little bit of the stress they are carrying. It can relax your nervous system to not only be in the presence of others but also undistracted as you spend time with them. . In addition, when you care about someone, they typically care about you. In other words, when your boss shows care for you, you in turn care for them. When that happens, you want to perform well at work because you care about the relationship. You’re invested in each other’s success and lives and that makes a difference in the workplace.
We also see this in the reverse. Numerous people work for a boss they hate. Employees don’t go the extra mile or work harder when necessary. When you’re working for someone you hate, you do the absolute bare minimum and then leave for the day. The opposite happens when you work for a boss that you care about and cares about you. That means creating a care-filled workplace is beneficial for everyone. What does that look like for you? Here are some tips.
1. Acknowledge when connection is not possible
Sometimes it’s true you really don’t have time to connect with someone. You’re already late for a meeting, you need to pick up your kid from school, your colleague is waiting for you, etc. In that instance, you demonstrate care by voicing your reality: “I’m really rushed right now. I only have two minutes. Do you mind if we just dive in?” You’re letting the person know in an ideal situation you’d be able to chitchat, to ask about their day or week, but that’s not possible right now and that’s OK. However, use this line sparingly because if you’re always rushed, the excuse starts to wear thin.
2. Say hi
Instead of launching straight into whatever you’re requesting from the other person, start with the social niceties. “Hi. How are you? How’s it going?” If you open with a simple “hello,” you’re putting the person first and work second. People notice that. No one likes to feel like a robot, and when you start every email or text message with a business request, it comes across that you care more about the work itself than the person.
3. Make an effort to pronounce people’s names properly
Workplaces are more diverse than ever before, and that means you’re likely to come across a name you’re unfamiliar with. Instead of glossing over their name, trying to avoid calling the person by their name, or giving them an unwanted nickname, make an effort to pronounce the name. It’s OK to mispronounce it the first time or even the second time. The person is probably used to that. But it goes a long way to ask for a correction. “Did I say that correctly?” or “Can you pronounce it for me again?”
Questions like those demonstrate you care. You’re making an effort. You are communicating, “I respect you and want to call you by your proper name.” All too often, employees who have “unusual” names for their work environment are called the wrong name, or forced into a nickname they didn’t offer themselves. Let your people decide how they want to be called and make an effort to pronounce that name properly, even if it takes numerous tries.
4. Remember details about people
I know not everyone has a great memory so it can be difficult to remember names, let alone how to pronounce them, and adding details on top of that is even more challenging. That’s completely fine. If you have trouble remembering names, silently create a mnemonic device like, “Cathy with the cardigan,” or repeatedly use their name during the conversation. The internet is full of suggestions for how to remember someone’s name so find something that works for you and use it.
In terms of small details, write down bits of information about the people in your life. Include that information in your contacts card for that person. If Isabelle likes true crime podcasts, bring that up in conversation. If Eric has a son at the University of Seattle, ask him how he’s adjusting to the weather. Remembering details about people makes them feel seen, which is a need all people have.
5. Create connection
To be a caring, compassionate leader, create opportunities for connection. Start every meeting with a “connect,” a question everyone can answer: “How was your weekend?” “What’s one thing that happened this week you enjoyed?”
Depending on how close you are to the people in the room, you could also ask a deeper question such as, “How are you growing this week?” “What’s challenging you?” A great resource we use at LUMAN is tscheck.in, which has question prompts you can add to Slack or use on its own.
6. Share the spotlight
Some people are quieter than others, which means they can be overlooked. A caring, compassionate leader makes an effort to draw out those quiet people and engage them by calling on them and asking, “What are your thoughts on this?” You can also play to their strengths and specifically mention them. For instance, “Jared, I’ve noticed you’re really great at asking clarifying questions. Is there anything confusing here about what we’re talking about? Is there anything missing?”
When you ask for someone’s opinion that doesn’t offer it freely, you’re demonstrating you value their voice, which in turn gives the person a boost and inspires them to care about the project and you.
7. Ask what care looks like
Instead of guessing how you can show care for someone, ask. Generally, people know what would make them feel supported: a compliment, taking them out to lunch, a pat on the back, taking something off their plate, etc. If you want to be a caring, compassionate leader, ask your people what care looks like to them and follow their suggestions. They will feel seen, heard, and cared for, which are again, needs all humans have.
You don’t have to practice all seven tips at once. Just choose one suggestion and try it out. See what happens. And if you feel like it, tell me how it goes. I’d love to hear from you.
